So the new pitch for feminine hygiene products is, “buy our shit, your boyfriend will thank you later.” what a literal load of douchebaggery, in fact it’s given new meaning to the whole concept of douchebaggery where we can just link douching with general stupidity. This is even worse than that commercial with the copious ass shots of the chick in the tight yellow pants (seriously, tight yellow pants? would you wear these even on a good day when your she-pipes are cooperative and stink-free?).

Who writes copy like “Why Men love whisper…” honestly, who cares?! Women are allowed to stink from time-to-time! We bear children, we put up with bloody messes on our underwear and our sheets at least once a month. Sure, men make random incontinent messes of themselves down there because their hormones just go on overdrive from the slightest titty shot, but women’s hormones are another story altogether and when we say “overdrive” we mean it in a BIG way.

I’ve seen a friend cry for days on end because of “hormones”, I’ve hurled bottles of Midol and fainted in the middle of work because of mothafuckin’ hormones, and we’re concerned about the smell? And not just the smell, the smell from the point of view of Gerald whatsisface, fake celebrity boyfriend at fake concert. In fact they can’t even say “smell” instead the masterminds handling the whisper (or is it carefree?) accounts just call it “confidence”. Confidence, smell, whatever. The smell’s got nothing on the pain, or the sudden cravings, in fact the smell is the least of your worries. Expecting your period to smell like flowers is like expecting a plot from a Vin Diesel movie.

And if your boyfriend’s feelings about how you smell down there matter so much, why can’t they make pantyliners smell like something men actually like, like beer, or you know, vaginas?

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