I Resolve to Replace Envy With Fanmail

I had a list of resolutions for 2009, but I lost it. I think it was probably another one of those things I didn’t mean to take seriously anyway, in fact, I’m pretty sure it was accompanied by a picture of me holding a banana obscenely close to my confused face.

I know that as we grow older, we’re taught to take certain things less seriously as a means of arming ourselves against potential hurts. But a lot of things are meant to hurt, such as yoga and ballet and burning the tips of your fingers, but that’s the only way to develop callouses and suppleness on the road to doing things properly the next time around. My friend Amaya has callouses between her thighs. Gross, pole dancers, gross; but she does amazing pole acrobatics and party tricks involving her boyfriend standing in for the pole. BUT THAT’S NOT IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW.

What’s important is I’m turning 25 this year, and as a child of the 90’s, I treat quotes from Singles (1992) with utmost importance. After 25, bizarre stops being bizarre and starts becoming immature. The problem here is after 25 years, the things I’ve deemed bizarre have start becoming part of my nature. I don’t write, I blog; I use too many cuss words, disrespect the importance of a word count and have gotten way too used to terms like “way too used”. I’ve also gotten way too used to working on my own time. I need to take my life more seriously because I don’t have to settle for mediocrity and I don’t have to fall back on excuses for not following through on the things I love. Writing is only one of them. WRITING. NOT BLOGGING. Blogging is also fun though, but it’s the equivalent of your high school boyfriend.

Note to self: your high school boyfriend took what he loved and ran with it to Europe. You understood a lot of things about said ex-boyfriend, but really, what the fuck is sound art? Either way, he didn’t make any excuses or blame his context for misunderstanding him. He just took that shit to Germany where all those German girls loved it. And guess what, your high school boyfriend made you a proud ex and beat you to the pages of Business World. Not that you ever wanted to be in the pages of Business World, BUT CAN WE PLEASE STICK TO WHAT IS IMPORTANT.

Another thing I found in 2009 that one of the best ways to dissipate the spite that comes with envy is to write fanmail to your idols. The realization that came with the fanmail was that my idols are people. People who started somewhere and probably still have day jobs; people who check their email and turn red when they’re complimented. I did not actually resolve to humanize my idols in 2009, but it did put a lot of my aspirations into perspective.

What is important is that 2010 and I are going to have fun…and strength training, but more of fun:

1) I will wear a helmet for those times I’m crossing Edsa by bike.

2) I will write more and blog less.

3) I will draw more and doodle less and if I have to doodle, I will doodle something else besides the backs of my officemates’ heads.

4) I’ll stop wasting anything I manage to save, whether its time or money or calories.

6) I will find a substitute for the word “awesome” and all its derivatives.

2010 be awe-inspiring, overwhelming, grand, breathtaking, splendid, tremendous, remarkable, amazing, astounding, and humbling.

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Author: alicesarmiento

San Juan, Metro Manila

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