The ones I like, I’m too shy to ask. Answers are the new bases, and I’m convinced there are a lot of answers floating around that I wouldn’t know what to do with, once I have them. “Do you like me?” feels too intrusive. Following it with, “…or are you just exceptionally nice?” seems vague. I try to let actions speak for themselves, because somewhere along the way, I was told that this it the “mature” thing to do. But I’ve been out of the loop too long to understand what I’m reading.
It’s not as simple as finding clarity in set points anymore. None of that “M.U.” “Bridge” bullshit you put yourself through in high school. Now there are no bases. It doesn’t stop at hand-holding, or at waiting with bated breath for meaning: in conversations, in getting each other to like the same things. I’d like to think it ends when you hit that harmony that is comfortable and loving enough to settle into, but how do you even get close to that when you’re starting out; still fumbling for words and the convenience of labels.
Mikey made it as simple as “If you don’t want to, then don’t.” But sometimes I’m still not sure what I want, and what I don’t think I want can be deceptive. Sometimes I really just don’t know. And I’m sure I’m not the only one who has this problem.
Alice Sarmiento 