My Laptop is a Fucking Asshole

And if I had the money, I’d probably make the jump from PC to Mac, unfortunately, a) I don’t. And b) I thrive on organized chaos. Need a strapless bra? There’s one right there on top of that stack of magazines. I believe that there’s a place for everything and everything should be in its place, but I like being the only one who really gets where things go. The thing Macs do where they sweep up your workspace the minute you minimize something–that causes panic. Of course, I’ve never really had the chance to get used to it because for the past two years, I’ve been working on an HP/Compaq something model.

First, the people at HP are lovely. They have a vending machine! With lemonade! If you’re like me and you’re the type to get excited about vending machines and lemonade, it doesn’t take much to float your boat in the technology department. Which is similar to how I deal with people; I’m happy if you say please and thank you. HP made me extra happy by re-opening after closing hours to accommodate my n00b-ness.

Funny thing about this laptop is I’ve never done much with it. I’ve never used its webcam, I’ve never edited a single video on it, I can’t even open Photoshop SEVEN and when I hook it up to my wacom, the system goes haywire. So when the nice HP man asked what OS I was using, and I answered Vista, he kind of giggled and had to explain that “a Celeron can’t handle Vista”

“I wanted XP but the nice people at the store said Vista is all that my hardware can take.”

“That’s right, but your hardware’s too slow for Vista, and it causes the system to crash sooner than it should.”

*Blink. blink. blink*

“Then…why…ah fuck it.” Is it time to get Windows 7 installed? I can’t say Windows 7 without imagining Justin Long smirking at me. Also, I can’t say “Justin Long” without smirking, because the words Justin and Long just do not belong together. What is wrong with the world?

A lot is wrong with the world. First, the Senatorial slate has people like Bong Revilla on it. BONG FUCKING REVILLA, you guys! Anyway, back to my computer…

It blue-screened a while ago! For the first time! And it came with user-friendly instructions on what to do in the event of blue-screendom, but that shit’s scary! And I’m a girl! With ovaries! So when stuff like this happens, apparently I’m supposed to back up slowly and curl up in a corner with Blankets or something girly. I don’t know, eat ice cream or something, eat your feelings.

But I didn’t. Instead I just wrote this note.

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Author: alicesarmiento

San Juan, Metro Manila

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