HOLY FUCK! I finally hacked into my old LJ

And found my old life list, dated November 21, 2006:

This is an incomplete list of dreams. Goals. From realistic to downright unlikely possibilities. But who knows? I’ll check back in a couple of years and see which ones I get to do.

( ) A clean catch on a trapeze,
( ) Make babies,
( ) Drive a truck across NLEx (with my babies!)
( ) See a ghost–a real ghost, none of that cold spot shit,
( ) Join Greenpeace so I can…
( ) …live on a boat and sail to the ends of the earth…
( ) Meet Aleksandar Hemon and make him touch my cheek so I can…
(XX) Faint (hey, I’ve never fainted. Gotta try that), FUCKING DYSMENNORHEA! Ended up fainting TWICE in the past 4 years.
( ) Bungee jump off of the Sagrada Familia cathedral,
( ) March with the penguins,
( ) March with the Morgan Freeman (hey, he black),
( ) Get drunk with my kids,
( ) Get drunk with my husband,
( ) Trek across what’s left of the Amazon,
( ) Meet a pygmy,
( ) Eat a pygmy…
( ) …Then ride a roller coaster 4 times straight (ever regurgitated a pygmy? Me neither.)
( ) Sit in Nigella’s kitchen so she can talk my ear off while she cooks,
( ) Appear on The Daily Show (that Greenpeace or pygmy eating business could get me somewhere…),
( ) Contribute to Granta,
( ) Contribute to The Paris Review,
( ) M.A. Anthropology,
( ) Board a plane bound for Palau, then it crashes in the middle of the ocean and I’ll find myself on a deserted island with someone whom I have serious, unresolved issues with,
( ) M.S. Ergonomics,
( ) Go underground long enough to be pronounced dead, so I can have one of those really ridiculous “AYZJUSTKEEDING!” moments
( ) Write for a tabloid,
( ) Die old and happy from something really unspectacular

Didn’t get a lot done, but I haven’t completely missed the boat on writing for a tabloid.

and “March with the Morgan Freeman”? What the fuck was that?

I also found my answers to the “Perfect Lover” meme, dated June 11, 2006

1. The tagged victim has to come up with 8 different descriptions of their perfect lover.
2. He/she needs to mention the sex/gender of their perfect lover.
3. He/she must tag 8 more people to join this game and leave a comment on their comments saying they’ve been tagged.
4. If tagged a second time, there’s no need to post again.

Sex: male?

1. curly hair
i like curly hair. if you don’t have curly hair, it’s never going to work out. tsk, tsk.

2. watches The Simpsons
i read somewhere that men who watch The Simpsons are more likely to be reliable, aren’t as easily upset, and live longer than the non-Simpsons watching man.

3. will not poke fun at my weight
because that’s just low.

4. does not accuse me of thinking i’m better than everyone just because i don’t eat red meat or drink note that this was before my drunken floozing.
because i’m very sensitive about that!

5. has not slept with more than 3 people harsh! ouch!
because i don’t want to catch anything.

6. doesn’t drink or do drugs
i know, i know, don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it. but i just find it very unattractive when people start acting like complete assholes and try to justify it later with the fact that they were drunk or stoned at the time. like, “hey babe, i’m sorry i groped you and called you a bitch last night, it’s just that i had waaaay to much ahalcohohol…”

7. isn’t a sexist asshole
i understand that everyone’s a little sexist, but you have to draw the line somewhere. maybe this is why i have less respect for people who seriously listen to bitchniggah rap and anal cunt.

8. has ambition
something, anything. i don’t care if your long term dream is to join the circus or direct a full length film, i just have an easier time falling in love with people who are headed somewhere.

I also used to play this game (with myself) called Expat, Pervert, or Cannibal. Not sure why though…oh LJ. (June 11, 2006)

2. this appears to be a very small person in a very shiny suit. place your bets: expat, pervert, or cannibal?
to this child and the mother of this child, an apology is way overdue