Useful Feelings to Remember

  • Work is one. No matter what it is, even if you don’t particularly enjoy it, just be awesome at it. Remember what it’s like to reap praises for things that are of no particular consequence and what it’s like to take the blame for shortcomings and mistakes with tasks that you can’t fully comprehend (I mean, you get the method, you just can’t give two shits about it).
  • Being alone with someone you shouldn’t be alone with. Because it’s wrong. Because it’s beyond unhealthy. It’s the KFC Double-down, no bread, just bacon, of non-relationships and it takes the cake for all the cynicism and disillusion you’ve managed to rack up in the past months of non-dating. He puts his arm around you and you feel your whole body recoil involuntarily. You haven’t opened your heart to anyone since the last time, and it’s been a while, so you’ve probably forgotten what it looks like; what it looks like to fold into someone and just trust them. Because you’ve gone temporarily blind or you just know that it’s okay to wade in. The water’s fine. “I’m ready whenever you are.” But in this case you’ll probably never be ready.
    But you go with it anyway because it’s there. (Possibly the worst reason for doing something: “because it’s there”) It’s not a case of cold feet, you just don’t want the same things, and he probably senses this from you; which is why for every question you throw his way, you’re met with a flurry of uneasy shifting and non-answers.
  • Remember what it was like to have a clean room and a back that didn’t hurt. Remember that for every step you take to care for yourself and your health. That it’s not just about your work or your connections. “Drink some of this, it will put color in your cheeks.”

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