In which we invent the Penis repellent, otherwise known as the Dickflector

Before we go any further into slut-shaming territory, I would like to say that I’m not a fan of slut-shaming. I am however, a fan of culling the race, and your girlfriend is not only a whore, but she’s got some huge non-problems you might want to look into, case in point:

OVERHEARD

Girl A: Yiiihheeee so what are you and (boyfriend) doing on your anniversary?

Girl B: Oh…yeah…he wants to come down to Manila and celebrate, and I wasn’t supposed to know about it, I mean, it was, like, supposed to be a surprise but then (friend of boyfriend) told me.

Girl A: Eh that’s so sweet kaya! Why do you make it sound like something’s wrong?

Girl B: Well, how am I supposed to tell (guy on the side) that we can’t spend the weekend together?

I’m not one for objectifying women and recommending that men “test the merchandise” before buying (yuck, who even came up with that?), but there are some really awful cunts out there getting a lot of action and just being…for lack of a better term, cuntacular. Like, I hate to break it to you, but your girlfriend might be an STD farm, and you should both get checked. I guess this is okay if you’re both assholes, but if you’re both assholes, and you’re planning to procreate, then you’re just populating the world with your asshole genes. We don’t need anymore of your asshole genes! People like you should come with deflectors, or alarms. Any kind of warning sign.

And you lady, your vagina should come with a forcefield, we’ll call it the dick deflector, Dickflector (TM) for trade purposes. My email account is as wide open to designs for this future product, just as your thighs are wide open to those two poor dudes you’re shamelessly stringing along.

Signed,

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Author: alicesarmiento

San Juan, Metro Manila

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