And I just picked up a kitten. From the sidewalk. I guess I saved its life, but at the same time I’m turning into this stereotype, possibly further attenuating my chances at a normal romantic relationship (what does that even mean?!). My sister just sent me a text message, saying I should get the cat vaccinated for whatever schizophrenia-causing bacteria it is that cats carry. She also reminded me not to put the cat in my mouth, because this is a surefire way to catch the crazies. What if it was the cat’s fault, you know, it jumped in my mouth?

And no way am I paying $27.00 for the chance to stalk the profile of a man on another land mass! Maybe after a few more weeks with my kitten (it jumped into my mouth! Hands are CLEAN!), I’ll want to, but whatever 27 bucks I had to spare was already spent at the vet’s office. So I could have a few months without swilling the crazysauce.