Thoughts Upon Seeing a Guy I Used to Date, Without Ever Actually Confirming if He was Indeed that Guy I Used to Date

  • At least I wasn’t scratching myself.
  • At least I wasn’t picking my nose.
  • Maybe I should get my glasses, I’ve been squinting in his general direction for a good 15 seconds already. That’s not awkward is it? It might be for him, but for me it’s pretty much the opposite of awkward, considering how long I’ve been at it. What is it now, 20 seconds? Nope, not awkward at all. In fact, the opposite of awkward: let’s call it, “mockward”
  • We could move out of mockward territory by putting our glasses on, so why don’t we do that, Alice?
  • Or not…because that would mean that I have indeed been staring at a face I used to make out with, and this is a face that belongs to a person whom it did not end very well with. I think I literally said, “I don’t want to see you. Just because I don’t.” 
  • Hey, at least I was honest, I mean I did not drag him into and around “You’re really nice and I’m sure you’ll find someone who’ll love you,” or worse, “It’s me. It’s definitely me,” territory. Do some people actually prefer that? I’m pretty sure they do. 
  • I mean, technically I did say that it’s definitely me: I did not want to progress any further into relationship land and let myself out as gracefully as I could. 
  • …But wait, popular media has taught us that anything worth fighting for is worth causing a huge embarrassing scene over. Should I have flipped the table over? Raised my voice? 
  • What if I go over there now and say, Hi? I mean, what’s there to lose? That can’t be his girlfriend, right? Maybe if I put my glasses on, I could confirm if that vaguely human shape across from him is a girl…
  • Then again, I haven’t even confirmed if the dude is indeed the very same dude. And I’m not sure I want to…but you do have certain instincts about people you once connected with on a level above friendly banter. These kick in the same way you look up the minute your date walks into the room. You just know someone’s there; the air around them changes, and you’re breathing that air, therefore…
  • At least I wasn’t picking my nose or scratching myself.
  • I really hate it when people are reduced to anecdotes. It’s been, what, two years? Look at how much hair I have now! (lets hair out of ponytail) Look, whatsyerface, look at all my hair! I’m a girly girl! Maybe you can text our common friends and comment on how long my hair is and how I got thinner as well!
  • This is all because of yoga!
  • What I’m wearing right now is also because of yoga, so fuck you, yoga! I am cursing you so hard, right now for my poor wardrobe choices!
  • I shouldn’t have worn this stupid white shirt in this stupid weather.
  • At least I resisted every urge to scratch myself.

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