An actual status update including things I have trouble saying out loud

  1. It turns out my foster kitten, Marcy, may have been hit by a car before I picked her up. Her wounds aren’t healing, instead they’re peeling away to reveal something even more acute than something she caught from the shitty weather we’ve been having. And she’s slowly deteriorating beside me, but she’s also in that awkward space between being in too much pain to get any rest, but not enough for her to just pass out. Tomorrow we get x-rays done and find out if we have to put her down gently. The decision is already overwhelmingly painful, but what else is there, really? I mean, what favors would I be doing her by letting her live a life wherein every breath causes her so much pain.
  2. I’m turning 27 in a couple of weeks.
  3. And two things I’ll be doing for the 2nd time around: a biennale and a trip to South Korea, also in a couple of weeks.
  4. My sister’s coming home in October to get married!
  5. Then Jogja and Regi Lhaynn’s wedding in November! Hooray for beginnings!
  6. It’s easy to see ahead when you’re on top of everything you’ve mapped out. Then there are the things outside of your control. Most of these things involve other lives: Marcy, Friedrich, my nonexistent significant other. I like happy endings, but all of this is forcing me to reevaluate the terms. 
  7. It’s true what they say about your twenties just whipping by like dog years. Something about raising a glass to life or to health. I raise my glass to having choices, because not everyone is as lucky. Even worse off are those who have choices, but also fail to see them.
  8. I’ve also been closer to my Mom, who goes out of her way to be kind to the animals that now share this place with us. I’ve been meeting people who feel the same incomprehensible tug towards being there for a sick cat or a dog that’s about to be turned into meat. A while ago, a girl whose name I didn’t catch gave me a Denta Stick and taught me to offer it to Happy (her dog with behavioral problems) with an open palm so she wouldn’t snap. I have so much to learn about being patient and being kind and being brave. I’m turning 27, but I can’t remember the last time I felt this small or this helpless, just waiting for the hours ’til we can get Marcy’s diaphragm checked. 

4 thoughts on “An actual status update including things I have trouble saying out loud

    1. I’m happy to announce that it’s not a hernia! It is, however, a mild case of scoliosis, which is compressing all her organs and causing her difficulty with breathing. This means a lot of medicine, but at least it doesn’t mean she’ll need to be put to sleep. Fingers crossed!

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