Attribution, commons, and water under the bridge

This is old, but I guess I need to repeat it to myself.

When I was an undergrad, there were things that went on my blog that I have already deleted but can never take back – things about ex-boyfriends and crushes, that until now I still regret having carelessly allowed to reach the eyes of people who still matter to me.

I’m sorry I wrote any of that.

I’m sorry people got to read these things, strangers and friends alike. When I see the people I’ve alluded to or blatantly named in the past, I still feel the weight of these regrets. And even if they may have deserved the harsh words or links to humiliating confessions, how I felt at the time does not deserve the kind of permanence that we grant our petty bullshit once we commit it to a space. Not everything has to be turned into words and transmitted across screens.

Even if I’ve forgotten most of the mean or downright awful things people have written about me, I haven’t forgiven myself for ever putting my name on things I eventually felt bad about.

I know better now about what it means to be careful with the spaces we attach our name to and the people we let in.

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