I’m preparing theoretical financial statements for a theoretical company, and because I suck at accounting, I’ve been at it since yesterday and made next to no progress.
There’s something terribly romantic about making plans, especially plans at the level of working out how much money you’ll make, how much you’ll lose, and what you’ll lose them to in the next five years. I can’t even work out what I’m having for breakfast or what I’ll wear tomorrow, yet here I am, figuring out how I’m going to make my first million (making a million sucks by the way, almost half of it goes to taxes. PFT.)
This is the most romance I’ve had in my life since Mikey and I got back together. It’s a different kind of relationship now: it’s gone from being a chain of heartstopping, heat-filled, breathless kapow moments to…nice. It’s nice. We talk and we don’t get all broken up about not seeing each other. It’s just…nice. But somehow that adds to the reality of it. The kind of security that can be expressed in profit margins, e.g.

niceness / 10,000 breathless kapow moments – long term plans that we will not admit are out of our control * 100%

From a business perspective, we can assign a number for everything but this is something that just is. And after everything, I think we’ve earned the license to just rest easy on it, secure in the knowledge that it’s there, it’ll still be there tomorrow, with or without the 5 to 50-year plan. It’s ironic when you consider how a concrete plan of action adds so much more excitement and volatility to the whole context. Suddenly there’s something at stake, there’s reason to beat yourself up over loss. I got a postcard from Cat today telling me to stick with it because the ratios looked good. I can actually factor the postcard into the numbers. like:

10,000 bkm + you stayed friends after the break-up + you’re back together + awesome postcard = likelihood * 100%

or something like that. It’s not like we can make sense of it after solving everything, after assigning values. There isn’t anything to solve at this point, nothing to quantify. When it’s good it’s good. All I know is that it’s as it should be.

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